The Funny Bone Hurts

The Funny Bone Hurts

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An ironic and spossibly sarcastic look at our wonderful every day lives.

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10 Things I learnt after moving to London

June 2012Posted by JJ Fri, June 03, 2011 12:00:57

I am Somerset born and bred. Sleeping on hay bales, driving slowly behind tractors and drinking cider with an old bearded man saying "ooo-err" was all I knew.

4 Years ago I moved to the big city - London. Here are 10 things I have learnt about our capital since the adventure begun:

  1. Zebra crossings are an invitation for drivers to speed up
  2. Traffic lights turning red are an invitation for drivers to speed up
  3. There are thousands of mime artists in London and every morning they perform their pièce de résistance – ‘The sardine in the tin’ – on London’s transport network
  4. Bus drivers have an internal work challenge to find the largest puddles in London and stop in the middle of them when letting people on and off their bus.
  5. During the summer drought of puddles, bus drivers revert to the ‘park your exit doors as close to the most over-full bin leaving no space for your passengers to get off' challenge.
  6. To quickly make friends in London refrain from holdin on to the hand-rail on the tube or bus when it pulls away from its station/stop
  7. When on an escalator if the man in front of you is standing still on the left hand side he is new to London. Give him the recognised London welcome by muttering obsceneties behind him until he moves.
  8. “Please let fellow passengers off the train before you board”. London Tanslaion: “To maximise delays and minimise your travelling experience, please obscure all train exits and push your way onto the train to ensure a prime spot”
  9. Londoner’s are generous, sharing folk. At all times refrain from putting your hand to your mouth whilst sneezing/coughing on pulic transport. To achieve optimum generosity, try and spray flu debris in every possible direction by turning your head during the sneezing process.
  10. Smile – you are probably in a Japanese person’s photo.

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